The week of my dad’s birthday is always hard for me. I miss his support and advice. I miss the way he would listen to whatever I was struggling with, then without judgment, he’d ask, “What do you think?” When I was maybe ten he asked me, “Did God create humans or did humans create God?” I have been thinking about that question as I work through the Ignatian exercises.
My favorite activity this week was the reading from Matthew 4:18-22. This was another “Imagine yourself in the scene” activity. I imagined myself helping Zebedee mend his nets in the shore while his sons alternately mended nets and goofed off, as restless, dissatisfied boys are wont to do. The salty fishy smell was so strong I was struggling to breathe deeply and I kept hoping a breeze would pick up and offer reprieve from both the smell and the heat. Zebedee and I both noticed the itinerant preacher wandering past. A couple other fishermen, acquaintances of Zebedee’s sons, were wandering with him. I wondered who they had left manning their boat. Then the preacher called out to us. I stayed with Zebedee, not much interested in chasing after a bunch of young men; I’d done that enough as a teacher (please forgive the anachronism). Zebedee’s sons had no such reservations and with barely a “Farewell” to us, they were off.
The activity asked, “How do you feel about being included with those called to follow Jesus?” In the context of this reading, not good. I am not a young man and I don’t see myself in a group of young men. It isn’t lack of interest; I did the “how far will you go” thing with Peace Corps, and loved it. I’ve stood on the shores of Lake Victoria with people mending nets and I’ve hiked miles when no vehicle or bicycle taxi could be found. As much as I loved those days, I rarely miss them. I like my life now. In my imagination, I was content mending nets with Zebedee. Had I still been twenty-something and dreaming of Peace Corps, I might have run off with his sons instead, to be the token female in the group.
The image below is of a school of tiny fishes I made while living in Malawi. Read more about it on deviantArt. Many of these fish were later regifted to random friends. Challenge: can you find the two Disney fish below?
This post is part of my Lent 2025 Imaginative Readings series.
